Archive for November, 2012

In recent times,i hear or know people who stay in very unhealthy situations. I can never understand how or why people would allow themselves to be mistreated. Don’t get me wrong,If you try to work things out great. However, if there is no fixing it or you suddenly cheating on your mate. Then why stay? Do people fear change that much? Or is it easier to try and have your cake and eat it too? Its believed that, Weak of mind and self will cause many to just accept things and believe that a negative situation is as good as it gets. Learn self wealth!!! I have been in man of relationships that were very unhealthy.  It took me a very long time to learn,what is acceptable and what is not. It may take some longer than others and you have those who seek out people they feel are weak. You owe it to yourself to be happy. It may take a while, but go get what you desire.
Often self preservation is confused as selfishness. Within reason,some situations can be worked out. Others can not. That varies with each individual.

What is love?

Posted: November 17, 2012 in Life, love, romance

It can be describe in many ways. In poems,movies and song. But those are all the views of others.
To know love,one must live it,touch it and let it touch you. Not only in your heart,but in your soul.
Love will uplift you and make you feel like you can take on the world.
The word love will always brighten ones day and fill you with hope.
Use this word with caution as it carries a lot of weight behind it.

When life changes……

Posted: November 11, 2012 in Art, Life, Music

Within the last year, I have been keeping a secret. Something that only those close to my heart knew about. But,I think by talking about it will help others who suffer from it and not feel like it’s something that needs to be hidden.That thing is spinel stenosis.
Spinel stenosis is narrowing of the spinel column that causes pressure on the spinel cord, or narrowing of the openings (called neural foramina) where spinel nerves leave the spinel column.
Many believe that because you can not see a condition or illness that you are fine and ok.
How I wish that was true!
Even recounting how this has changed my life has tears in my eyes. I was always an active person. I play in bands and I use to wrestle and wanted to do things like sky dive and other things that I now must pass on.
This is a condition I was not aware about till I had an accident. My boots were wet and I took a header down the steps. All in the name of getting a cup of coffee. I did get that cup of coffee.
Well, I figure since I already fell down the steps. May as well hobble to get it!
Priorities 🙂
A few days later I noticed my hands were tingling and I was getting massive headaches. I even couldn’t hold a guitar pick or a pen for long periods of time. My hands were also shaking uncontrollably.
I went to the doctor and did all the usual test. My doctor being kick ass. Went on to suggest a few more test to rule out any nerve damage. After a few cat scans. They diagnosed me with Spinel Stenosis. I was stuck in bed for close to two months and depression sank in.

Me alone with my thoughts is never a good thing. My life flashed before my eyes. I saw this as the end of all the things I held dear,all my hobbies and small things like seating at a play,concert or a movie. I was angry,because people looked at me and said “you look fine to me” sorry my neck wasn’t glowing red or had huge bump with an eyeball.
None the less,things really changed.

I can say now that for a while I thought ending my life would help. If I felt like this now at a young age. How was I gonna feel as I get older? My body is hyper sensitive to weather change and even things like getting hit in the wrong spot would hurt. Example, I am 6 foot tall and a lady a little over 5 feet. Slammed in my shoulder and a shock ran up my spine. I had to stop walking and let the pain pass.
If it get to cold or rains. My neck feels as if someone is jamming their figure into the base of my skull, all day.
The one thing that kept me alive was, art,writing and music. I thought about all the battles I faced in life,abuse,homelessness,divorce,
love found,love lost,lost of a child and so on.
If I could face all that and more. There was no way this was beating me!!
Don’t get me wrong. Some days getting out of bed hurts, I had to adjust the way I did everything. Drawing,writing,playing bass,etc
I don’t write this for a pity party, I write this for those who don’t know can understand. I write this for those of us who suffer from a condition or illness that is not visible. What inspired me to write this was a good friend of mine,by the name of Renee D. Moller. Who also has a condition that is not visible, Fibromyaliga.
I mainly write this to give hope,to those who suffer in silence. I know some days,pain can hand us our ass! Make us want to just lay down and take the beating. Some days we win,some days we don’t. Just never give up! Fight this to the end and let this be the beginning of a new life,a new way to do things. As I always say, life gives us lesson we just have to listen.