When life changes……

Posted: November 11, 2012 in Art, Life, Music

Within the last year,I have been keeping a secret. Something that only those close to my heart knew about. But,I think by talking about it will help others who suffer from it and not feel like it’s something that needs to be hidden.That thing is spinel stenosis.
Spinel stenosis is narrowing of the spinel column that causes pressure on the spinel cord, or narrowing of the openings (called neural foramina) where spinel nerves leave the spinel column.
Many believe that because you can not see a condition or illness that you are fine and ok.
How I wish that was true!
Even recounting how this has changed my life has tears in my eyes. I was always an active person. I play in bands and I use to wrestle and wanted to do things like sky dive and other things that I now must pass on.
This is a condition I was not aware about till I had an accident. My boots were wet and I took a header down the steps. All in the name of getting a cup of coffee. I did get that cup of coffee.
Well, I figure since I already fell down the steps. May as well hobble to get it!
Priorities 🙂
A few days later I noticed my hands were tingling and I was getting massive headaches. I even couldn’t hold a guitar pick or a pen for long periods of time. My hands were also shaking uncontrollably.
I went to the doctor and did all the usual test. My doctor being kick ass. Went on to suggest a few more test to rule out any nerve damage. After a few cat scans. They diagnosed me with Spinel Stenosis. I was stuck in bed for close to two months and depress sank in. Me alone with my thoughts is never a good thing. My life flashed before my eyes. I saw this as the end of all the things I held dear,all my hobbies and small things like seating at a play,concert or a movie. I was angry,because people looked at me and said “you look fine to me” sorry my neck wasn’t glowing red or had huge bump with an eyeball.
None the less,things really changed.
I can say now that for a while I thought ending my life would help. If I felt like this now at a young age. How was I gonna feel as I get older? My body is hyper sensitive to weather change and even things like getting hit in the wrong spot would hurt. Example, I am 6 foot tall and a lady a little over 5 feet. Slammed in my shoulder and a shock ran up my spine. I had to stop walking and let the pain pass.
If it get to cold or rains. My neck feels as if someone is jamming their figure into the base of my skull.
The one thing that kept me alive was, art,writing and music. I thought about all the battles I faced in life,abuse,homelessness,divorcee,
love found,love lost,lost of a child and so on.
If I could face all that and more. There was no way this was beating me!!
Don’t get me wrong. Some days getting out of bed hurts, I had to adjust the way I did everything. Drawing,writing,playing bass,etc
I don’t write this for a pity party, I write this for those who don’t know can understand. I write this for those of us who suffer from a condition or illness that is not visible. What inspired me to write this was a good friend of mine,by the name of Renee D. Moller. Who also has a condition that is not visible, Fibromyaliga.
I mainly write this to give hope,to those who suffer in silence. I know some days,pain can hand us our ass! Make us want to just lay down and take the beating. Some days we win,some days we don’t. Just never give up! Fight this to the end and let this be the beginning of a new life,a new way to do things. As I always say,life gives us lesson we just have to listen.

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Comments
  1. reneemoller says:

    You are an inspiration to so many people Carlos. I know this was really hard for you to put it out and open yourself up like this. I’m so so lucky to have you in my life my friend.

    • los73 says:

      Thank you so very much. It was one of the hardest things for me to write. People judge and mainly with out any real grounds. You inspired me as well my friend. This is to give people like us a voice and for others to know. They are not alone. Thank you for being sun an amazing friend.

      • reneemoller says:

        It’s very hard to admit a weakness. A flaw? Hell I have a lot of those..but a weakness was hard for me to tell about as well. I can only imagine it from a mans point of view.

        You’re doing such an amazing thing for so many invisible people out there Carlos. I can’t even express how much I admire you. At the end of the day we inspire each other and hopefully others out there to join us in full battle gear to chase and slay the demons.

        got nothin but love man. xoxo’s

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