Father and son

Posted: July 9, 2012 in Life

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My fathers health has not been the best in the past two years. A few weeks ago he was hospitalized for heart failure. He since had a pacemaker put in and nothing seems to be getting better. Now he is back in the hospital When someone close to you falls ill. It makes you reflect on the history you had with that person. My father left when I was five going on six. He remarried and forgotten all about me and my sister. He was never there when I needed him. I remember before that,my dad was my hero. He was a masked wrestler and later on was unmasked. I would go to shows and meet legendary wrestlers. Memories I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. But it all fell apart after he left.
Later we would grow apart. Mainly because I got tried of chasing him for love and attention. No kid should fight for their parents time or love.
I would have been happy just sitting in the same room with him. When he remarried,he allowed that woman to get between his kids and himself. There is a lot more issues we faced with one another. But, life has a way of waking your ass up. He was never gonna change and I had to accept that. Even through all this,I worked hard for his love. Real love,not just words or a gift. I never cared for a gift. All I wanted was his time. I often let his ways scare me about having a child of my own. I never want to be that father. I want to be my child’s rock,support all his/hers dreams and desires Sometimes anger fills my mind. As I jump through hoops to make sure he is ok and doing well. Then I have times where I wonder why? If he wasn’t there for me, why do I work to be there for him? The answer, two wrongs, don’t make a right! I love my father dearly. Why? Because he is a good man and we are all human. We all fall, sometimes more than once. Not sure if any of this makes a bit of sense. I just know I don’t wanna lose him just yet. I would love for him to see me dance at my wedding or have my first child.(now, I just gotta find a girlfriend) lol just trying to lighten the mood.
As I write this I see my father walking to the ring and the people cheering him on. The lights bouncing off his silver mask. None of us are perfect and that’s what we all have to realize. Despite it all,he is my father and negative emotions will only eat at me. I will go to see him at the hospital and can only hope for good news.

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